DoctorEvil’s Newbie Guides

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  • note: This 'guide' was written during the Archmage era and may have some outdated information.


Contents

DoctorEvil’s Newbie Guides, Revised Edition 4 : Introduction

The Doctor is ready to dispense the Doctor’s limitless wisdom to the Newbie hordes of Terra. Once upon a time, the Doctor realized that there were a few things that weren’t covered in the standard posts and other miscellaneous information, which Newbies should know about. So, the Doctor created the Newbie Guides to help Newbies through these troubling issues. The original Newbie Guides were so popular that the Doctor occasionally revises the guides, to add input from other mages, correct spelling errors, and share some of the Doctor's new found wisdom.

The number one thing a Newbie on Terra needs to remember is that you will not make the top 10 your first time out. The reason for this is simple……YOU ARE A STUPID NEWBIE! I’m sorry you had to find out this way, but it is true. But don’t worry, with the Doctor’s help, we can make you less stupid.

The first thing a Newbie should do is read the FAQ in UBB, and the Newbie School under COE. Have you read it yet?. Every word of it? Are you done yet? Good. You are now less stupid than you were before. Also, start reading the posts in both Hall of Sages and the Banquet Hall. There is a lot of good info there. Now you should have a very good idea on how to proceed.

DoctorEvil's Newbie Guide to Picking a Server

So, foolish Newbie, you've decide to reincarnate on Terra (as opposed to languishing in Hell). But to your surprise, you find there isn't just one Terra, this is a multiverse of Terras. Which one should you pick????

Well, foolish Newbie, the Doctor is here to help you.

If you've never reincarnated before, the Apprentice Server is the place for you. Now, the Doctor has never reincarnated there, but the pace and limitations are a good place for a green, foolish Newbie to learn the ropes. After you've gotten your feet wet, then you can attempt the other servers.

Basically, when considering the servers, the first consideration is turn speed. Blitz servers are fast and usually require you to log on twice a day. Ager servers are slow and you only usually have to log in every day and a half. The Server servers (for lack of a better name) are right in the middle and you usually only need to log in once a day.

The next consideration is guild or non-guild. Guilds are large groups of players who have banded together for a varied of reasons. Non-guild only allows you to have one ally. In the Doctor's humble opinion, guilds are a good place for a newbie to quickly learn from experienced mages some of the basic skills necesssary for survival on Terra. Non-Guild is the place you go to hone those skills.

There are other servers that exist, and more will probably be developed, but these are the basics.

DoctorEvil’s Newbie Guide to Making Enemies

OK, you’re a Stupid Newbie. You’re not going to make the top 10. So what are you going to do with all of your time on Terra.………Why, make an enemy of course!

Enemies are very, very important. Every evil genius needs a good enemy to define who he is. A good enemy can make you laugh or make you cry. A good enemy can give you unlimited joy or infinite anger. A good enemy can make you back your car into a brick wall. The Doctor firmly believes that a good enemy will define who you are. The Doctor has a lot of experience in making enemies. In the Doctor’s younger days, the Doctor made more enemies than the Doctor can count. Sometimes, they got the better of the Doctor, sometimes the Doctor got the better of them, but who won and lost is immaterial, it’s the joy of having your own enemy that is important. The Doctor knows you’re saying “Doctor, how I can I make enemies”. Here are some useful tips;

  • The best way to make someone really, really mad is to do the so-called “multi-attack”. The “multi-attack” is when you attack the same target multiple times back to back. The Doctor is not talking about attacking the target once or twice (although two back-to-back attacks would certainly be considered a “multi-attack”), we are talking about attacking the target as much as you can. Most mages retaliation strategies revolve around these factors; number of attacks, whether or not they lost land, and ranking of their opponent when they find out about the attack. The easiest way to make an enemy is to is attack someone 3 or 4 times in a row for no reason.
  • Another excellent way to enrage your opponent is to randomly use Lesser Items on him. There are certain items that can target opposing mages. The Doctor is not going to go into detail on what each items does, you can look it up. Items are generally used when you are in a war with someone. When you use items randomly on an unsuspecting opponent, you will make that opponent very, very angry and thus create an enemy. Using one item on a mage might only make the mage a little annoyed, you need to use multiple items to make them an enemy.
  • When you attack someone always send an arrow with the attack. Try to say something witty and insulting. Yo’ Mama jokes work the best. Like “Yo’ Mama is so nasty she needs to put salt water down her pants to keep the crabs fresh”. Nobody likes someone saying bad thing about their Mothers.
  • Another excellent way to make enemies is to cast harmful enchantments (Meteor Storm, Death and Decay, Confuse, etc…) on unsuspecting mages.
  • If you are a Nether (Black) Mage and you've been attacked by someone, try casting Contract of the Soul, and countering attacking him. Most mages hate Devil attacks. Nothing is funnier than seeing someone’s stack of Red Dragons or Dominion wiped out and it pisses them off in the process.
  • If you are a Eradication (Red) Mage, try casting Volcano Eruption on random mages. This a great spell because it allows you to make enemies that are much more powerful than you are, that you would not normally be able to attack.
  • Continue attacking and insulting your opponent until he messages you back and says he is going to kill you or wipe you out. This is usually a good sign he is really mad at you. If he swears at you and says bad things about your mother, then you know you’ve made an enemy.
  • If your opponent does not respond with attacks or messages then find a new enemy, this one is a wimp.

OK, now get out there, you Stupid Newbie, and make an enemy!!!!!!!!

DoctorEvil’s Newbie Guide to Having Enemies

OK, you Stupid Newbie, now you’ve gone out and made an enemy and he’s really mad.

This is the single worst thing you can do on Terra!

Having enemies is a huge responsibility that a Newbie like you is totally unprepared for. They require great care, love and attention, but the result is you get a faithful companion who will……hold on, that’s not enemies, that’s puppies. The only thing you get out of an enemy is an extended war.

Getting involved in an extended war is a not a good thing to do. As the ancient Chinese philosopher, Sun Tsu said “ …there has never been a protracted war from which a country has benefited.” You can not win an extended war with your enemy. Oh, extended wars can be “won”, but you are a Stupid Newbie and don’t have the skills to kill a mage. Killing mages on Terra is a very difficult task, and even if you do somehow manage it, there is no special prize at the end. All it does is drain resources and time.

The Doctor can hear you now, “But DoctorEvil, ……YOU told me to get an enemy!”. Newbie, Newbie, Newbie........This was done to teach you two lessons;

  1. 1: Don’t make enemies
  2. 2: Don’t believe everything that is posted.

OK, now you’ve got an enemy, what do you do next?

The first thing to do when you make an enemy, is to try and negotiate a truce! “But DoctorEvil, I’m not going to make the top 10, so why would I want a truce”. You want a truce because you need practice in making truces, you Stupid Newbie. Negotiation is the single most important skill you will learn on Terra (other than spells, and strategy, and etc…) Use your message function and arrows and try to get a cease-fire and agreement to a truce. Be nice! Bragging and threatening your enemy will not win a truce. Negotiation will win you the respect of other mages when you stop being a Stupid Newbie.

If you can’t get a truce then you need to fight. The only way you will “kill” your opponent is if he is a Stupider Newbie than you are (he probably doesn’t read DoctorEvil’s post). The key to Terra is your resources. The resources are gold, magic items, magic points, population, troop strength and number, land, turns, and spell level. The only resource that your opponent can not reduce is your spell level. This is why most mages say to research spells first. Try not to make enemies who have a spell level higher than you (Oops, the Doctor should have told you that in the earlier post. Bad Doctor!). You want to do what ever you can to disrupt your enemy’s resources. Attacks, spells, and “annoyance” items (Letters, Rotten Food, etc….) are the tools you will employ. Pillage attacks, Rotten Food, and Pipes of the Sewer will effect your enemies pop. This is particularly effective against mages that rely heavily on pop upkeep units (Black, Red, Blue with Mind Ripper and Black units). Gold is directly effected by pop, so reducing pop will also reduce your opponent’s ability to generate gold. The spell Fool’s Gold, Item Letters of Thieve Guild, etc… are things that can also effect gold production. Steal Artifact and Shatter will destroy your opponent’s items. Remember the goal is not to win, but to hurt your opponent. You must dedicate all of your resources to the depletion of his resources. Every turn, every magic point, every bit of gold is to be used against your enemy. It’s also important to make sure that your resources don’t run low. Spend time mana charging, gelding, summoning, etc…. each day to make sure your resources stay at a decent level (Decent level is relative to your ranking and your opponent’s ranking). Always make sure you have a higher net power than your enemy does when you log off for the day, because when you wake up the next day, he will have returned your “payback” with “interest” Hopefully, after a couple weeks of this you can negotiate a truce.

DoctorEvil's Newbie Guide to Allies

OK you Stupid Newbie, you followed DoctorEvil’s advice as outlined in DoctorEvil’s Newbie Guide to Making Enemies and DoctorEvil’s Newbie Guide to Having Enemies, but you have a problem…….you’re not fighting one enemy, you’re now fighting two or three enemies, because your enemy has allies and now they’re attacking you too. There’s no way that you can defeat two or three enemies, so you need to get yourself some allies. Actually, you shouldn’t have gone and made enemies if you didn’t have allies,....but you’re a Stupid Newbie and didn’t know better.

DoctorEvil knows of three sources for allies; your real-life friends, old enemies, and the Union of Honor bulletin board for your given server.

First, your real-life friends are your best source for allies. You can communicate with them outside of Terra to coordinate attacks and discuss strategy. They usually don’t mind committing their resources to your battles. Unfortunately, you are a foolish stupid Newbie and you probably don’t have real life friends, so this avenue of allies is probably closed to you ( Coming Fall 2002: DoctorEvil’s Newbie Guide to Moving Out of Your Parent’s Basement and Getting a Real Life).

Second are old enemies. These are mages who you have actually managed to reach a truce with. The drawback to having old enemies as allies is that they probably won’t go out on a limb for you. After all, would you risk your resources on someone who pillaged you 27 times last week? Probably not.

That leaves the Union of Honor bulletin board. This is not the ideal place to get allies, but as a Stupid Newbie it is your best option. Post a very nice ad in the Union of Honor hall and hope that some one on Terra likes lost little puppies and takes you in. Now it's important to note in your ad, what Color you are, and what ranking level you are in (on average). If you are finished researching note this is your ad also. Do not post that you are not fully research or that your spell level is 101 or any statistics about your self, as this could make you a target.

There are a few benefits to having allies. They will send reinforcement troops to support and help you in both attack and defense (and you will send troops to them also). The other benefit is Exchange of Knowledge. This only works with mages that are the same color/specialty as you are. By using this option (located under Diplomacy), you will exchange the knowledge of spells with your ally. This only works is your ally has a spell that you don't and vice versa. Ultimate spells can not be exchanged. Too use this benefit properly, you need to coordinate your research very closely with your ally. Again this is probably too complicated for you Stupid Newbie, but the only way you will get smarter is too experiment.

“But Doctor, how will I know if someone will be a good ally?”. You won’t. Make sure before you accept an alliance that you ask your potential ally lots of questions. Make sure you goals and strategies are in-line with one another. Specifically, find out how they feel about extended wars, and their retaliation philosophy. If you’re lucky you may find an experienced mage that will take you under his wing, but it is doubtful, since you are a foolish little Newbie. Pick some other Stupid Newbies, ally with them, and experiment.

Most mages that make and stay in the Top 10 have superior support and coordination from their allies. One frequent mage in the S2 top 10 told the Doctor once "Good allies can make or break a person in the top 10"....Keep that in mind.....

DoctorEvil's Newbie Guide to The Wacky Fun of Armageddon

OK, Stupid Newbie, you keep on seeing this message about seals breaking and something about Armageddon....Armageddon....ah yes..

The mere word conjures up visions of death, destruction, and FUN. If you don’t know what Armageddon is, then look it up Dolt! When the 7th seal breaks it is like Christmas, your Birthday, and Mardi Gras all wrapped up in one. Oh sure, everyone dies and the world ends and all the of your hard work is down the drain, but all of the attack restrictions are lifted so you can get even with everyone who has ever done you wrong. It is absolute chaos on Terra. This is the best and easiest time to kill your enemies. Well, it’s easy for most mages. For Stupid Newbies, it’ll will be a little harder and guess what, the Doctor isn’t going to share his Armageddon secrets! Nope. You need to figure out these things on your own. The only way to learn about Armageddon it to experience it. DoctorEvil will give you a couple of good hints; 1. Make sure you have a decent reserve of gold and mana. 2. Get your enemy before he gets you.

Hopefully, when you reincarnate yourself, you will have learned a little and not be a Stupid Newbie anymore.

But some how I doubt it…………

DoctorEvil's Newbie Guide to Spending Your Hard Earned Gold

“DoctorEvil, I’ve got gold but what do I do with it?”. How many times has the Doctor heard this question? Well, actually never……but that’s not the point. The point is what should Newbies do with their gold. Well, they could hoard it until they get millions, keep less than 1.25% fortresses, and put a sign on their back that says “Pillage Me”, but that would not be a good use of it. No, Mr. Stupid Newbie, you need to go visit the Black Market. The Black Market is located under Soothsayer near the bottom of the screen. There are six different places to visit; Antique Store, Spawning Hatchery, Tavern of Heroes, Swords for Hire, Exotic Mageware, and Altar of Darkness.

ALTAR OF DARKNESS: The Doctor is only going to say this once. Newbie’s should not waste their money on the Gods. In fact the Doctor isn't sure that the experienced mages should either, but that's a different topic. The reason is simple. The cost will far outweigh the benefit. When you have more money than you need or know what do to with you can experiment with the Altar. Until then, stay away! A Newbie can’t risk offending one of the Gods, and trust the Doctor, when a God hates you it’s not a pleasant sight.

TAVERN O’ HEROES: This is another place you should stay out of Newbie. I know you’re saying “but DoctorEvil all the tough mages have Heroes, why can’t I”. It’s simple really. You’re a Newbie and you don’t know how to keep them alive. It just doesn’t make sense to spend 700 million gold on a Hero and have him die the first time you attack someone. You don’t know enough about stacking and attacking to keep him alive so save your money.

SWORDS FOR HIRE / SPAWNING HATCHERY: OK Newbie, the Doctor will let you spend money here if you really want to. In the Doctor’s opinion the prices tend to be quite high here for the quantity, but it is your money. The Doctor also finds the units from Swords for Hire to be limited in effectiveness (well Renegede Wizards are kind of cool if you can get a lot of them).

EXOTIC MAGEWARE: Here you go Newbie, tired of research, buy your spells instead. This a good place to pick-up off-color spells, but again, be warned, prices tend to be high for the good stuff. Also be careful about bidding on spells that you already know, Karla doesn’t give refunds if you mess up!

ANTIQUE STORE: Newbie, this is the place the Doctor recommends that you spend your money. Lots of different items, good range of prices. Look around, find your favorite item and buy it.

OK, Newbies, now before you put your money down, be careful. Once you put in your bid, the money comes out of your account. Mages have been known to bid 100 million on items that are worth 1 million because they got a little careless with the zero key. There is no taking back your bid. The Doctor had an ally who did this once, and I still laugh at him every time I see him.

Also, this is very important....all bids now cost 1 TURN! If you bid you will lose a turn, and if you do not have positive resource generation, this could be a disaster. Hopefully, someday this will change, but for know it's something you need to know about.


DoctorEvil's Newbie Guide to Names

OK Newbie, sometime in your career you will die and it will be time for you to reincarnate. There is one decision you have to make when you reincarnate that is more important than all others.

Which server to play on? Nope.

Which magic specialty to choose? Nope.

The most important decision you have to make is what your NAME will be. Your name tells the rest of Terra who you are. A good name will inspire fear and respect in you enemies. Let’s face it calling your mage “FluffyBunny” is not going to inspire fear and respect. So the Doctor in the Doctor's infinite wisdom, has some suggestions on naming your mage;

Nether Icon NETHER.gif Mages: Black mages should always try to include words like “Death” or “Evil” or some other equally dismal word in their name, in order to show that you are a really mean mage. Think of something scary.

Eradication Icon ERADICATION.gif Mages: Words like “Kill” and “Maim” or something aggressive are usually good for Red mages. “Fire” is also very popular.

Phantasm Icon PHANTASM.gif Mages: Blue mages should use words like “Shadow” or “Ice” or something that describes their brand of magic. Something mysterious always works well for Blue Mages.

Verdancy Icon VERDANT.gif Mages: Since Green is represents nature words like “Druid” or animal names are popular. DoctorEvil recommends “TreeHuggingLiberalHippie”

Ascendency Icon ASCENDANT.gif Mages:………….OK, maybe “FluffyBunny” is appropriate…………

DoctorEvil’s Quick Name Chart (Choose one from each column)
Column One
Killer
Death
Hell
Blood
Iron
Dark
Shadow

Column Two
Bunny
Weasel
Rabbit
Mouse
Gerbil
Ferret
Weiner

Other miscellaneous name suggestions;

You can use up to 10 letters to name your character. DoctorEvil suggests that you only use 9. Why? Because when you do a ranking, mages with 10 letters take up two lines and that makes them stand out. Of course, when you have a really cool name like the Doctor, you just have to use all 10 letters

Don’t use all capital letters. Again, this makes you stand out when other mages do ranking and are looking for potential victims. The Doctor also finds it a bit annoying.

But do capitalize at least the first letter in your name.

Good sources of names are science fiction and fantasy literature.

If you can’t think of something, make up an original name, it’ll make you stand out.

Don’t steal someone else’s unique name. A lot of mages of but some thought and creativity into their names. They've also built up reputations (sometime good ones, sometimes bad ones). Please don’t go and steal someone unique name.




DoctorEvil's Newbie Guide to Descriptions

Descriptions are an important part of being a mage on Terra....A good description will tell the rest of Terra who you are and what you stand for. Descriptions usually involve one or more of the following elements;

1. If you belong to a guild It's always good to put your guild affiliation in your description. This is the commonly accepted practice and it helps avoid unpleasant accidents like an allied guild attacked you and starting a guild war by mistake.

2. Some mages like to put their retaliation and attack policies in their descriptions. This helps other mages to know what to expect after you attack them.

3. Humor is also a very important element of any description, and may help you avoid unpleasant confrontations. Good descriptions always contain this element.

4. The practice of putting one's allies in the description is also becoming popular. The Doctor does not like this particular trend because it can make your allies targets if unpleasantness breaks out. But it does have a use if your allies are high powered mages, in that, it may discourage unpleasantness.

5. The other thing that descriptions are used for is to show what a idiot and wiener you are. Yep, it's true some mages like to put asinine things in there descriptions. Here's an example;

Country Weiner Head (#0000)
Description Enter my land at your own risk!!!
I am a veteran mage and i know most of the game and how it works... i have researched all the spells by now... for those who is thinking about attacking me will suffer the power of my (Volcanic Eruption or Meteor Storm)
No Trespassing!! Private Property!!

Counter me and get Countered twice
Pillage me and feel the wrath of my holyflames of power
Siege me and be destroyed with my menacing red dragons...

Prepare for a Showdown if you dare enter my land...

1 attack = 2 counters!!
2 attacks = 5 counters!!

dont tell me i did'nt warn you...
pillage = die!!

Actually, this example illustrated element 2 as well as element 5. Be very careful what you put in your description, Newbie, because it could lead to you becoming a target just because you offend someone. In general, posting about of great you are and how you'll destroy anyone who attacks you will only get you trouble.

In general Newbie, have fun with your description!You can change your description by accessing the options menu under your name. Scroll down click the box, put in your description ,and press CHANGE. Then goto Arena, look yourself up and see how it looks. What!!!! You don't know what Arena is??? Stupid Newbie......

DoctorEvil's Newbie Guide to Etiquette on Terra.

Newbies, etiquette on Terra is very, very important. This more than just wiping your feet before you invade someone's land (although you should do that also), it's about things you should and shouldn't do.

  • "Always be polite to your opponent, especially when he's not polite to you." One of the biggest problems on Terra is that some people take things very, very personal. It's very hard to keep from getting angry when someone is multi-attacking you into protection everyday, but is swearing and rude language the answer? No, it's not. Besides being against the Decalogue, it's only makes you look like a idiot and a newbie (yes there is a difference between the two). The answer is to be polite, really, really, polite. There are a few reasons for this. One, it shows that you can rise above the pettiness of your opponent. Secondly, it's a lot easier to come to a peaceful resolution, if you and your opponent are evenly matched, if you haven't made this into a personal attack against him. Also, if your polite your enemy will wonder what you are up to
  • "Never randomly use items (or spells for that matter)on someone without a good reason." Mr. Newbie using items on a random opponent means you've declared war. Don't use them if you don't intend to get in a war. Sometimes it maybe necessary use a BoP to regain pop, but realize that the guy you're using it on may not like it.
  • "Always accept responsibility for your actions". It goes without saying that if you attack someone, expect a counter-attack, but some people don't seem to be able to do this. Sometimes you might say something or do something to an opponent that isn't polite, but have the guts to stand-up and apologize when you know you're wrong.
  • "Always offer your opponent a beer". Unless he's underaged.....
  • "Say something nice to your opponent". Always compliment your opponent for a job well done. Sending an archmail after he's pillaged you into protection saying "Good job, you really put the hammer to me", or " Great stacking" will work wonders for your opponents moral and the goodwill between the two of you. It may also lighten the mood a little for when you counter him with Devils.
  • "Never post nasty messages to your opponent in the BH". Seriously, the rest of Terra could careless about Newbie Joe's and Newbie Sam's little Newbie war with each other. Unless you are both extremely funny, don't bring it to the BH. After, you've been around a while, then you can bring to the BH.

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